If there were to be a god would we need a pope or flocks of doctors of divinities to plead their cases? Set any number of your finest theologians on that riddle and see what they come up with. Down in the gutter you’ve got to wonder, if something was pulling the strings of the universe, would it be making a distinction between tribes of primates. In other words, how long can you be in two places at once before you collapse ? Only a few watershed moments. Us and the rest of the mammals.
The variants of the long-standing story of the Children’s Crusade have similar themes. A boy began preaching in either France or Germany claiming that he had been visited by Jesus and told to lead a Crusade to peacefully convert Muslims to Christianity. Through a series of portents and miracles he gained a considerable following, including up to 30,000 children. He led his followers south towards the Mediterranean Sea, in the belief that the sea would part on their arrival, allowing him and his followers to march to Jerusalem, but this did not happen. They were sold to two merchants (Hugh the Iron and William of Posqueres) who gave free passage on boats to as many of the children as were willing, but then they were either taken to Tunisia and sold into slavery by the merchants, or died in a shipwreck on San Pietro Island off Sardinia during a gale. Some may have failed to reach the sea, dying or giving up from starvation and exhaustion. They were betrayed by some of the adults in their group.
King Manasseh restored polytheistic worship to the monophytes of Baal, and sponsored the Assyrian astral cult throughout Judah. He is even said to have participated in the cult of Moloch that consisted in sacrificing young children. He took the temple prostitutes under his wing.
Manasseh sent twelve spies to abduct the women of Canaan, lead by Gaddi, son of Susi. The Medes could smell he had been weed wacking, and rained on him with their dicotyledons.
The vale of Siddim was full of slime pits; and the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah fled, and fell there; and they that remained fled to the mountains. They took all the goods of Sodom and Gomorrah, and all their vittles, and went their way.
He was widely considered the greatest warrior prince since Gustavus Adophus. Gesundheit. He’s descended fron Genghis Khan, like most eurasians. And so’s your old lady.
This new Christian diet is all the rage, the Diet of Worms. The infidels tend to choke on it, as was its design. The doctors of divinity prescribe a bracing tonic of extreme devotion to those in remission. Many long-standing disputes have finally been settled, to the best of our knowledge.
With Jackson Timbers we started back down, then came that rumble way down in the ground.
Raise the glass to the glory days of the inquisition, when god gave us men a ticket to torture. Sanctity ruled the land, if you get my drift.
In those days we weasels of rightousness could get our jollies by ferreting out the sins of the bwitches. The devil lurked in every crack, but the hammer was underwritten by the pope. As the accounts of agonies attest, the hammer came down hard.
So with your one good eye and half bushel of brains, raise the glass and praise the inquisition.