Category Archives: Beaux arts

Whittled down

I was whittled down to one four-character domain, following all the princes of history.

Here was the woman who drove them mad as hatters while tightening the band. She had ten galleons of fortitude and a honeycomb smile worth its wait in sixpacks.

Weaver god

The weaver-god, he weaves; and by that weaving is he deafened, that he hears no mortal voice; and by that humming, we, too, who look on the loom are deafened; and only when we escape it shall we hear the thousand voices that speak through it. For even so it is in all material factories. The spoken words that are inaudible among the flying spindles; those same words are plainly heard without the walls, bursting from the opened casements. Thereby have villainies been detected. Ah, mortal! then, be heedful; for so, in all this din of the great world’s loom, thy subtlest thinkings may be overheard afar.

Tone deaf

I was tone deaf all my life, up until one day, it was in the fall, I fell out of my crow’s nest and awoke with perfect pitch. There are no other cases in the annals of the supreme being or in their executive summaries.

In the beginning I could make nor head nor tail of it, but when the nor’westers came to blow, and the trees began to sing, I heard that Forty Mile Creek was in the same key as the Magic Flute. Down at the switching yard, the locomotives were idyling in C, but not a well-tempered C. Though the vibrations are arbitrary, the harmonics are pythagorean. On that note, abstain from beans.

I’m talking to the President

Mister President, we have four more prisoners of war.
Bring ‘em on.
Crick is a prisoner of the war on drugs.
Hang by the neck.
Warsh is a prisoner of the war on poverty.
Life sentence, three generations.
Shem is a prisoner of the war on terror.
Molotov cocktail.
Shimmy is a prisoner of the cold war.
Burn at the stake.
Thank you Mister President, and God bless.

Allergic reaction ends rapping marathon

illiterateAn attempt by a Winnipeg hip-hopper to set the record for the longest rap ever has ended because of an allergic reaction. Tyler Tynes, who goes by the stage name the Hafrican, fell down Thursday after 14 hours of rhyming. He had been aiming to last for 24 hours. The rapper collapsed do to an allergic reaction to an energy drink.